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Thread: Bobby's Random Ramblings

  1. #226
    Do I look like I care Bobby180's Avatar
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    I think the last message I sent my wife really pissed her off.
    She just threw the paper aeroplane in the bin after it landed in her ear




    Not saying the wife's a fat bitch but the other day I thought she had bought me a hammock.Turn.s out it was her new thong




    My friends think I'm a terrible Dad when I fob my children off with, "Go and ask your Mother".
    It just gives me an hour or so to myself while they go to her grave.



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

  2. #227
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    I saw a young girl collapse in the town centre so I ran over and gave mouth to mouth resuscitation. It didn't work so I started pumping her chest.
    It probably wasn't the best time for a tit wank but what the hell.




    So many of the England players families are not travelling this summer to the Euros for fear of racial abuse, why not just make it less of a problem and make John Terry stay at home




    Me and my wife were relaxing in the swimming pool when she suggested that we played a game of 'Who can hold their head under the water for the longest?'
    So far I've managed to hold her head under for 23 minutes. I doubt she's going to beat that.



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

  3. #228
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    If I was ever going to rape an animal it would be a penguin.
    Nobody would suspect a thing as it walked away.



    I was so embarrassed when my Dad picked me up after school in his new Ferrari, with Megan Fox in the back.
    He could at least have put a hat on, ginger bastard.




    Women are like flowers....Beautiful, delicate, fragrant, lovely creatures yet guaranteed a few months of the year they will spew some shit that will make your eyes water and your world will fucking suck.



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

  4. #229
    Do I look like I care Bobby180's Avatar
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    I arrived home from work and my girlfriend started punching and kicking me.
    "How could you?!" she screamed. "How fucking could you?! You've fucked my sister you bastard!"
    "I'm sorry," I confessed. "I got to work and she was lying there...naked. I'm only human. What was I supposed to do?"
    "The fucking autopsy," she cried




    After a winning start under Roy Hodgson on Saturday, England where given an even bigger boost today ahead of the Euros.
    Gareth Barry is set too miss the tournament through injury.




    At my neighbours' party last night, my wife really lit up the room.
    After I attacked her with a cattle-prod



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

  5. #230
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    Apparently the Canadian Rapper Drake had a panic attack after being spiked with Ecstasy...
    E=MC Scared.




    The ex wife had to be dragged kicking and screaming from court to-day after a vicious custody battle over the kid's.The judge said she had to have them!!!




    I was jogging through the park when a woman fell in step and said, "Do you mind if I run with you?"
    I said "Why? Have you just raped a schoolgirl too?"



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

  6. #231
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    I hope actress Jessica Biel names her first born child Batmo.




    My wife wont let me babysit again, last time i was watching a film with my son he got scared and said "dad, is that lady going to die?"
    I said "probably, judging by the size of that horses cock"





    Didn't our old queen look good last night?
    But he should have sung "Candle in the Wind"



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

  7. #232
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    I'd hate to be a dragon.
    I'd get so angry trying to blow out my birthday candles.




    Rumour is Kanye West is courting Kim Kardashian these days
    Probably because she had one of the greatest videos of all time?






    the first rule of fight club dont let the police know joey barton is there



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

  8. #233
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    Because the 4th anniversary gift material is flowers, my wife loved the flower necklace I gave her.
    Because the 25th anniversary gift material is silver, my wife loved the silver necklace I gave her.
    Because the 30th anniversary gift material is pearl, my wife gave me a slap and told me never to do that again.





    So Justin Bieber has got a new aftershave out..
    It won't be the first time some of Justin Bieber has been sprayed on a man's face





    A witness to the Nigerian plane crash has said they watched in horror as the plane came down and crashed into a house. They said it took them a full fiive minutes before they could continue their e mail to Mrs Smith in Sheffield informing her she'd won the lottery and if she could just send them her bank details the money would be deposited immediately.



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

  9. #234
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    I was going through my Euro's today and I found a 1 euro coin with the words ESPANA on the back so I immediatley issumed it was a Spanish currency in my hand.

    I started playing Pac's "Last One's Left"

  10. #235
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    So a fair girl comes up to me as I'm sipping my beverage and all of a sudden I felt the need to tell her, "Sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up."

  11. #236
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    My wife said, "Can you explain to me why I've just found a pair of women's underwear in your coat pocket?"
    I said, "Yes. It's because you were being a nosey cunt!"




    John Terry has said he'll walk off the pitch if he hears any racist chanting at Euro 2012.
    He'd rather be in the stands, joining in




    Here we are at the 100m Ladies final and, from left to right, it's:
    No, no, yes, maybe, from behind, definitely not.



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

  12. #237
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    I don't know why it is OK for people to come into golf shops and start testing & swinging the golf clubs to see whether it feels good or not, but when I dry humped the prostitute at the whore house, I got kicked in the nuts?




    As I stood there in the boys changing room with a flaccid penis I thought to myself....
    I'm not cut out to be a priest




    Why don't poltergeists ever just give people a pat on the back or a handjob..
    Nice people die as well.



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

  13. #238
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    They say a dog is a man's best friend.
    But I don't even have enemies that would stare directly into my eyes whilst taking a shit on my carpet



    My girlfriends parents are quite strict.
    I remember the day we stayed at their house and her father wouldn't let us sleep together.
    Which is a shame because he's very attractive




    I said to my wife "the day I bother to find your G-Spot is the day they find the Higgs Boson particle."
    .................Fuck.



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

  14. #239
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    What's your problem?
    My problem?
    Yes, what's your problem?
    You're the one with the fucking problem, pal.
    No, I think it's possibly you.
    Really? Well, shall we take this outside?
    No, please stop wasting my time and get out of my surgery.




    I'm trying to become a vegetarian, so right now I'm only eating seafood, like lobster and drowned cows




    Every so often, I tell myself I should cut down on my drinking.
    Then I realise I'm nowhere near drunk enough to be having this conversation with myself yet



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

  15. #240
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    "Why do you insist that I always wear tights?" asked my partner. "Just once, I'd like to go out 'au naturale'."
    "Because we're bank robbers you silly cunt." I said




    I've recently joined my local boxing club and the trainer there suggested that I tried skipping to get fitter.
    After doing this for an hour, he handed me a rope and said, "Use this. You won't look as gay"




    According to my sidebar ads, I am a fat lesbian who needs a new Honda



    The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision



    Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter

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